Getting married is one of the best yet most stressful events of your life, right up there with getting a new job, moving, and having children. And if you’ve been married once or more, you know there’s a lot involved with getting married. But how much do you actually remember? Let’s go over the process and build that day back up in your memory.
Who proposed to who?
Over the years, people have come up with unique and heartfelt ways of proposing to their significant other. Can you remember where you were when your partner popped the question? Or if you were the proposer, can you remember those anxious moments? Or was it a spur-of-the-moment ask? Take a minute to relive the entire event, the time of year, the weather, the smells, if you were dining out, with friends or alone, dressed up or in shorts. Create that picture in your mind and write it all down.
Perhaps there was no proposing, just an agreement between you to marry, or to live in a common-law relationship. How did that discussion come about and why did you decide to move forward? Sometimes, love is not the only reason.
How and why did you choose the actual wedding day?
Did that date hold a special meaning? Were you interested in a special time of year? Did you both agree, or was there a lot of discussion about it? Did anyone else have a say in picking the date? Did you have to adjust your choices because of dates or people not being available?
Who did most of the wedding planning and why?
How did you decide on the venue, who to invite, where to hold the reception? Did you have help from family members or friends?
My husband and I got married later in life. I was 35 and he was 45 (his second marriage). We chose our local church in the country, held the reception at a small restaurant, invited only close family and friends and wrote on the wedding invitation that “trousseau complete”, meaning we didn’t need anything. Instead, one friend took our wedding photos, one brought the wedding cake, one lent us a vintage car, and everyone else gifted us with money. Our wedding was paid for and we had $25 left over for breakfast the next day.
How did you choose your wedding dress/suit, and who helped you?
Where did you finally buy it from and do you still have it? Did you have an idea what you wanted before going shopping? Was it a challenge to pick from many dresses? Did you wear a dress handed down from mother or grandmother? Or … how did you find the perfect suit or tuxedo? Or did you go casual?
Who was in the wedding party as bridesmaids and groomsmen, if at all?
How did you decide who would stand by your side that day? Was anyone upset at not being picked and did those negative feelings affect your relationship in the future? Did anything unexpected happen with the wedding party? Did you have a ring bearer, a flower girl?
Was it a church wedding or a town hall licensed affair?
Did people throw confetti or rice? Did someone walk you down the aisle? What music did you have during the service? Did anyone have to change religions to marry?
What do you remember about that day, if anything?
Nerves are a big part of getting married and many people later admit they remember little of the actual day, which is why we’re all so thankful for photographers and/or videographers. “Oh, look, there’s cousin Sarah with your best friend’s brother snogging in the corner!”. What stands out about the day itself? The people who were there? The comments you received? How you felt?
What gifts did you receive?
Depending on what stage of life you get married, you might need everything to furnish a new marital home, or nothing at all, and ask for people to join in to give experiences (tickets to shows, overnights at a fancy hotel, etc.). What was the best thing you received? What was the worst? Who surprised you the most with their gift, and why?
Where did you hold the reception?
How did you make that decision and was it everything you thought it would be? What were the meal choices? What kind of wedding cake did you have and who made it? Were you able to eat anything or were you too excited? Was there dancing after? Did the reception end well? Did anyone misbehave? What time of day did it end?
Did you have a honeymoon?
Did you go directly on a honeymoon or go home and rest for a few hours (or days) before leaving? How did you choose where to go, and how long did you stay there? What was the best part? My husband and I had our honeymoon on our 17th wedding anniversary! Sometimes you have to wait for the good things in life.
Who paid for everything?
In the past, a custom was that the woman’s family paid for most of the wedding. My husband and I received a monetary gift from my mother, and the wedding presents in the form of cash paid for everything else. Did you have any problems relating to money before and during the wedding itself? Did you spend more than budgeted? Did you get what you paid for? Were you in debt for it afterwards?
If you were married more than once, rinse and repeat the above questions!
Your Turn:
- Find your marriage certificate. What information can you find from it?
- Take out your wedding photos and pick a few that make you smile. Find group photos and look carefully at all the people there. What have they meant to you during your life? Are you still in touch? If not, was there a specific reason? Have you wanted to reconnect?
- Now look at one with just you and your partner. When was the last time you saw that kind of love? Granted, life has progressed, perhaps children born, parents pass on, life happens. But what about you and him/her, as a couple? I hope you still have that feeling somewhere deep inside, or trumpeting from your sleeve for all to see!
I’m sure a lot of emotions and memories will come up through these questions and I hope they are good ones.